Untalented

I compare myself to idols
in hopes
it will make me emulate them.
if I wrote like him
was imaginative like her
if I could speak
like everyone else

Me is not charismatic
not as eloquent
it takes me three tries
to say anything

I feel stilted
Off
Compared to others
they all seem so…
good.

But I know my words
are just uncut gems
uncracked geodes
unstitched cloth

I compare myself
to gems
Pretty things
Talented people

Maybe if I say
tell myself
that I’m good
It will make me good

Practice makes perfect
25 years
Just hasn’t been enough

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Change My Brain

“Just change your brain”

I just have to change my brain
Wow, why
Was I never able to see that

There must be
A switch?
Somewhere?
somewhere deep in my head
just gotta find it.

Before
I was faking
or exaggerating
Bad things
Now, it’s just a matter
of a flaw in my brain
Something stuck in there
that I obviously
just have to find
and remove

Wait
is it an extra piece
or a missing one?

I need a doctor
Hello? Can you help?
I have something
wrong with my brain
and its making me retarded
Please, can you see?
Remove the thing
or add what I need?
I can’t seem
to figure it out.

“Just change your brain”
“You just gotta change your brain”

If only it was that easy.

Limbo

Caged
Again
soul taken away
siphoned off
before I could
even remember
what it was like
to have one

 

Stolen
Drained away
this cursed monolith
of human shape
always shadowing
even when far away
now again, after
I had found my soul

 

Devil
who looks when looking away
eats souls
in exchange for life
while spewing
hexed words
to taint all hearts
under his shadow

 

Locked away
in a certain Limbo
beneath the dark
grip which needs
it for its nourishment
its own salvation
keeps me again
but not much longer

 

Hope,
An Opening
I’ll fly away
when the key turns
and the door opens
he will watch
as I leave
while I never
look back

 

to Throw Away
all I have known
shadows rooted in my heart
wrenched out
light switched on
against my darkened eyes
it hurts
but thankfully
But only at first.

 


Something weird was going on with spacing on WordPress, so someone please tell me if there’s too much space or weird html showing up because things aren’t adding up on my side. X(

I would put my mother in a snow globe

I would put my mother in a snow globe
where time stands still
safely tucked
far away from the world
up in a tower
in a castle
frozen in liquid
under glitter-snow
safe away from things
So she would stay
the same
as she’s always been
who I thought she was
when I was younger.

Mothers are supposed to be
smiles
and hugs
comfort
a shelter
from the storms of life

But
mine became a monster
I want to trap
and cage to keep
as an example
of what a mother shouldn’t
look like.
I want to keep her
away from
the things that turn her
into this creature
with the familiar face.

I would keep her in a snow globe
safe inside
a glass prison
perfect and beautiful
under the glitter-snow
where nothing can touch her
taint her even more
where she can heal
and where
she can’t touch others
as the creature she now is.

Sushi Drunk

 

Sushi bar
People
getting
drunk on sushi
and
drunk on cocktails

People
pack the chairs
and line the walls
Impatient
for a seat
Have a cocktail
while you wait!

The waitresses
all look
guests in the eyes
the soul
the brain
Interesting.
Weird.
Please
stop staring at me
like that
I just want
a cocktail:

Raindrop.
Whiskey
and lemon
…or was it
Rum? Vodka?
How
many have I
had?
Two? Three?
Cocktails
in every hand
Empty
glasses in
the table
Where
‘d these come from?

Why
do the buses
only
take away
the plates?
As the night
goes on
the crowded
room
seems to get
larger
the people
farther away
Their sounds
don’t matter
My focus
My world
is this conversation.

When waiters
appear
they intrude
Shoving
sushi
and more sushi
on the tiny table
Yay!
Sushi!
My favorite!
Oh, wait
and
can I get
another
cocktail?